Sometime this Month—I think it was January 2, I went in for my yearly physical.  I sat there alone for a time in the doctor office thing room with that table you can lie back on in my nakedness covered by one of those smock things that you can tie up in the back but I didn’t tie it up, and felt so damn tired I lay back and closed my eyes and felt I would take a snooze.

But the doctor person came in pretty quickly.  Actually she is not a doctor but a registered nurse, and Carol and I have been seeing her for at least 15 years, maybe more, for our diverse flues, aches, pains, x-rays, meds and yearly physicals.  Her name is Donna and she is good at what she does: screen people to see if they need to see a doctor about something specific, like their carotid arteries or something.

I always dread the yearly physical because I figure they will find that I have cancer or that I am wasting away from some strange disease.  I start worrying about it at least 2 weeks before and by the time I get there my blood pressure is up like I am heading for a coronary.  Also I get pissed off because they always weigh me with my clothes on; like what sort of reading is that supposed to give….I mean my damn shoes probably weigh four pounds.  I insist on taking those off even though they don’t ask me to.

Donna did a med check and updated the documents and made sure I didn’t need a stool thing because last year they did the colon thing with the tube all the way up and back, I might add.  And she did the other stuff like with the finger—and she said the prostate felt fine, solid and in no way irregular.

But even though everything seemed A-OK I went away still convinced something was probably amiss, and so went in immediately the next day for the blood panel and urine test.  I went really early but still had to wait 45 minutes and when I went into the little bathroom with the sliding panel in the wall where you stick the urine, well, when I went in there I somehow lost control of the little urine cup and pissed propelled the little cup right into the toilet.  But I retrieved it and rinsed it off in the sink and urinated in it hoping that the test wouldn’t come back saying my urine had excessive chlorine in it.

Finally I got the results in the mail, and the Urine was OK.  In fact, it says the specific gravity of my urine is 1.002, whatever that means.  And after Urine Color it says Yellow.  This sort of stumps me because I would hate to think of Urine that isn’t yellow.  I wonder what sort of test they did to determine the color.  Do you think maybe they eye-balled it?

And everything else was normal.  The Comprehensive Metabolic Panel was normal; the cholesterol was better than normal; in fact I showed improvement in all categories.  Like my total cholesterol was like 155.  When I started this cholesterol stuff about 20 years ago I was at 360.  So there has been improvement in that area due both to Lipitor and diet…Also my Thyroid Reflex Panel was Normal; and my Complete Blood Count was Normal.

And my Prostate (PSA) was Normal and I am very thankful for that because I was talking with Jay at the club whose PSA was not normal, and he had to go in for an operation, and he said they did it arthroscopically though a little cut right under his Navel!  He showed the scar so I don’t think he was kidding me.  I said, Jay, but isn’t the damn thing down there between the legs and he said yes and I said how the hell did they get the thing out through that little scar right under his navel so they could work on it, and he said he didn’t know and really didn’t want to.

I don’t want to either!

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