I ordered an auto part online and it took a month to arrive.
When I go into the post office I get all confused what with the two day mail, and the express mail, and the overnight mail, and the regular first class mail, and certified mail At the risk of making crazy with all the options, I would like to introduce the revolutionary, new “Whenever Mail,” as in “When will it get there?”
It would be like a lottery. Sometimes “whenever mail” would be put in the overnight bag, and other times it would be sent by slow train to Nebraska, where it is discovered to have been sent to the wrong place, and then it would sent by slow train back to where it came from.
“Whenever Mail! For when you just don’t care anymore!”