Environmentally Responsible Trash Container

RECAP:  I am in my office preparing to go to class.  So far I have read my student-evaluations and was bummed by them.  I felt resentful feelings towards those who get high student evalauations and called them ass kissers. I have concluded that I am not cute. I have decided I have time to urinate before I head out to class.


I have 15 minutes till class starts and I still haven’t managed to get myself out of the office.  Thankfully, the male restroom is just a couple of steps away; if it weren’t I would have to take all my stuff with me because I wouldn’t have time to get back to my office to get my stuff and then get to class.  Additionally, if I had to carry all my stuff, I know from experience that I might have a hard time getting to my penis to urinate.  

 And at my age you don’t want to be fumbling around with stuff whilst taking a leak.  First you have trashbasketto find the damn thing.  Then you have to be careful not to pee on yourself.  It’s not too bad yet, but I am beginning to have a bit of a cut off issue.  I think I am done peeing but my penis, or more exactly, I believe, my bladder doesn’t seem to know it.  I have a slight aftermath leakage problem.  I need both hands to make sure I shake sufficiently and don’t leave unseemly spotting.

This particular restroom is pretty much reserved for the male members of the writing program.  We rarely have student urinators or defecators because our restroom is off the beaten path.  We are grateful for that.  The restroom has a sink and a mirror and a stall and next to that a brand new environmentally responsible urinal.

For some unknown reason, somebody decided to make our building an environmentally responsible building.  We even got some sort of plague for that; and little signs with some sort of green symbol were posted around when the building was converted to being environmentally responsible.  I have not idea what this means—being in an environmentally responsible building.  But it seems to mean that a special trash container was put in my office.  This container is like a regular trashcan but made of blue plastic with a smaller version of a trash container attached to its lip. 

Apparently, we are supposed to put paper into the big blue plastic bucket.  And garbage, like banana peals or apple cores or other possible rotting material, into the little bucket hanging onto the big bucket.  Unfortunately if you put something heavy, like some old batteries or a dead pencil sharpener, into the little bucket that hangs on the lip of the big bucket, and you have nothing in the big bucket, the big bucket falls over.  I find this annoying, so if the bucket happens to fall over I just leave the bucket lying on its side until I have something to put in the big bucket.

The big bucket doesn’t have a completely open top like a regular trash basket.  Instead it has a blue plastic lid with a long narrow hole in the middle about the length of a width of a piece of 8 by 11 paper.  Apparently, one is supposed to slip the paper into the long narrow hole, and I suppose the hole is long and narrow so that one does not try to put a whole book or magazine into the bucket.  I don’t know why you should not do that.  But clearly the long narrow hole is intended for some particular purpose.  So when I have something that won’t go through the long narrow hole, I just take the whole top off and drop the magazine in it.  That’s what I did with the phone book.

I guess I am not environmentally responsible because usually my environmentally responsible trash can scattered in three parts on the floor.  The lid is wherever I decided to fling the annoying think.  And the little bucket is sitting on the floor next to the big bucket until I can find something heavy enough to hold the big bucket down when I put something heavy in the little bucket.

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