The Sick President Claims He Is So Young!

The sick President says he beat the virus because “I am so young.” Additionally, he says he is “extremely young” (whatever that might mean) and a “perfect physical specimen.” I am a septuagenarian, just like the sick President, and I believe I can say that I am not young. Of course, I am not either a “perfect physical specimen,” But even so I think I can say no septuagenarian can claim to be “extremely young” (whatever that means).

There is no such thing as a young septuagenarian. All you have to do–by way of proof–if indeed you need that–is look at old people and then look at young people I believe you will see that the old people look old and the young people look young. Young people have smooth skin; old people have wrinkles. Young people have muscles and old people have flab. The explanation for this is that young people are young and old people are not. Additionally you will observe, as I have personally experienced, that old people cannot run around, and hop, and jump here and there. Old people have bad knees and weak muscles. They mostly sit still in one place with little moving or jumping around.

Of course, one might argue the sick President did not say he IS young— though he did say that–but that he feels young, which is not the same as being young. This is true. The sick President did indeed say that he feels young. He says both: that he IS young and that he FEELS young. In this conflation of being with feeling I see the Sick President’s Philosophy of the Virus at work again. This is the Pretend Philosophy that says the virus does not exist if you pretend that it doesn’t. A more concrete proof of the Sick President’s belief in this philosophy appears in his Pretend Hair.

5 Replies to “The Sick President Claims He Is So Young!”

  1. OK, here’s a contrarian view. I can in fact imagine a septuagenarian legitimately claim “I am extremely young”–but only when followed by a phrase that starts with the words “compared to.” I myself am a sexagenarian (the sex at this point is mostly just a fond memory), but that’s close enough to the age bracket you write of. For me to say something like, “I am extremely young compared to the planet Neptune,” or “I am extremely young compared to human misery,” I dare say I would be understood. Not appreciated particularly. But understood. Without that last phrase though, for me to claim “I am extremely young” might be a sign that it’s time to adjust my meds. Your little brother David pointed me towards this blog. I’m grateful to him.

    • Thank you, David. Yes I think a comparison is implied. I was going to write, “compared to Methuselah of Biblical fame.” But I was too tired at that moment to figure out how to spell it. My brother, David, mentioned you in a recent Facetime session. He says you lived right near our place on Romana Drive and that you saw me lurking about in the backyard (back when I still had hair.) That was ages ago. I think brother Dave also said you are a teacher (is that so) and writer (is that so also). Any how it’s a pleasure to meet up with a fellow from the old neighborhood.

  2. The second paragraph of this blog post is my favorite. The description of old people not moving around very much is hilarious.

    • Hi Norrine. Good to hear from you. Yes, that is a funny paragraph. I like it too. I would kill for a laugh these days. Well, not kill maybe. I just finished watching all the Monty Pythons on Netflix….

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