TP Controversy

Some time back when I was in college, the phrase–“the personal is the political”–started making its round; and by god, the political seems to be getting more and more personal every day.

Now even what one might call “anus management” has fallen under the sign of the political.

Apparently a feud is brewing over the production and sale of three and four ply toilet paper, designed to produce a heavenly wiping experience as the only appropriate climax to a good dump.

The creation of this soft as a baby’s bottom stuff requires, according to the LA Times, the cutting of mature trees. Sure TP and facial tissue (I suppose this is Kleenex) account for only 5% of the mature tree killing, but environmentalists say it’s too much.

“At what price softness?” asks an official allied with the recycling industry.

That’s what we would have if the environmentalists have their way. Toilet paper made from recycled paper. That’s the kind of thing you can find in public toilets or at the Gray Hound Bus Depot. And from personal experience, I can testify this paper can be plenty rough, having on one occasion–I swear!–picked up a splinter from it.

I guess this problem will only be resolved only we can answer the pressing question: “Just how delicate is the average American anus?”

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